Day 4

Well today is day 4 of my diet and workout craze. Diet is going ok. Struggled this morning when I got home from work. I had the munchies BAD! But thank goodness I have plenty of points to eat a decent meal and some snacks tonight. I just bombed my 2nd DVD from The Firm Express. This one was Cardio. I liked the 1st DVD Sculpt which I did on monday. Still hurting from it too. Cardio was a LOT harder. I onlhy made it half way through and thought I was going to die literally. I was drawn to these DVDs because they say you are guaranteed weight loss working out 20 min 3 times a week. I figured on the days in between I would go speed walking or something. Yea well thats not going to happen at this point. These workouts are hard. They move fast and I struggle to catch on to each new move. I will try to get through Cardio again tomorow but I am just now sure I will make it. I have lost 3.2lbs since Sunday. That makes it worth it. I also started talking the stairs when I am on Peds in the NICU overflow. Sure its only 2 flights but I go up and down them like 4-5 times a night. Eventually I will get brave enough to go from the 1st floor to the 5th every day but not quite yet.
I was told not take phentermine anymore but a Doctor because it could be making more moody. I have really struggled lately after some issues at work and with Jayden and with some other people in my life. I AM NOT HAPPY. I feel lost. My life just repeats itself day after day. Sure I have a great job that pays well, I nice place to live, a nice car and an adorable child. But something is missing. I dont really know who I am anymore. I have become more emotional and get angry so quickly. Not having an appetite suppressant is going to be hard but I am hoping with eating better and exercising that I can still get through it. I have got to change myself to become a better mother to Jayden and nurse at work. I deserve to be HAPPY!

Back at it!

Well I am back to losing weight. Its a battle and I hope to win it eventually! I had gained back about 3lbs from what I had lost before but have already lost that and some more. Pretty good for only starting 5 days ago. Thats right I have 6lbs since saturday. I am certain that at least 2 of those were from water. But still pretty good for just changing my diet, right? I plan to start exercising next week. I like to get the eating part down and then start working on the exercising part. Ive got 61 lbs to go to get to an acceptable BMI. At this point I will just take it 1 day at a time. I have to be thin and healthier and happy with myself because this girl has got to find a man and get married. I am beyond being ready for married life and having more babies. I have to keep telling myself this like a gazzillion million times per day!

Well....

I got really stressed out while studying to take my test and started eating evrything in sight! I have had a hard time getting back on track. I attempted a 5 day fasting cleanse starting Friday and only made it just over 48 hours. It was miserable and I will never submit myself to that much torture again. I think I am somewhat "cleaner" or whatever you want to call it! It wasnt the liquids only part of the fast that was hard it was the nasty vitamins. Glad it over with and now I am back on track with WW. I need to lose like 9-10 lbs over the next 3 weeks. I think that I can accomplish that. I am not looking forward to working out tomorow, Ill be honest. I have been trying to switch it up and use the Wii one day and go to the club house the next day. But the last time I was over there some bratty kid came in and asked if I would please get off so his pregnant mommy could come in and work out. I was like uuuggghhh NO, there are 2 machines not being used, she can use one of them. And if she still doesnt want to use those then she can wait for me to get done with the treadmill. He got all mad and said "well fine then" and slammed the door shut as he left. Id prefer to just sit home and workout but I need to work on jogging faster and farther. I struggle with running. I have been forcing mycelf to run for certain amount of time like 5 or 10 minutes. When I first started I could only run for about 1-2 minutes before I had to stop and catch my breath. I can now go 5-10 minutes. I know thats still not that great but I have been happy that I am improving. I just hope for this week that I can lose 3 lbs and workout 5 days.

Well I am still alive. I am still working out and trying to eat healthy. Its was difficult last week and I am pretty sure I didnt lose much. Its hard to know where I am at. I ran out of my HCTZ, which is a diuretic. My calves and legs swell so much when I dont have it and my shoes dont fit right either. I swell everywhere but its most noticable in my legs. I gained 4-5lbs in only a few days and now I am almost back down to normal. It makes me feel gross and sluggish to have all that extra fluid. I have a hammer toe and it rubbed the side of my shoes and got swollen and hurt. I was sure I broke it or something. I didnt work out for few days becuase of it but I have put away my $126 shoes for work and started wearing only my crocs there and at home to. I bought I cute pair of hooker shoes for Aleenas wedding and they have 5" heels on them so I have to get this toe healed. OH I almost forgot why I got on to post because of my ramblings! I can wear size 18 in most brands and some XL's in tops and some XXL in brands I have only been able to wear size 2X in for awhile! I am so HAPPY about that! I was wearing a size 22 in pants before. Its absolutely amazing how much 15 lbs can do! I am gaining more confidence and I am feeling to much better. Since I have had my gallbladder out I suffered with some chronic bowel problems( I am sure you can guess without me saying).I was eating a diet pretty high in fat, people with no gallbladders are suppose to eat low fat and high fiber diets. Well I got rid of the fat but didnt eat as much fiber as I should have and I am sure you can imagine the problem that caused. Went from one extreme to the other. So my lesson was learned and I am now eating WAY more vegetables and thanks to my Mom I just got a huge box full today too! I have a developed a LOVE for cauliflower. It is so YUMMY. Right now I am on a cauliflower and baby carrot kick. I need to include more fruits though. I know I have inspired a few of my friends to either start eating better or start woring out. I am so happy that they can join me in my journey and that I have people to talk to about it. Anyone considering dieting or losing weight should GO for it! It makes you feel so much better!

End of week 5

I know these are not attractive at all. My sports bra and workout clothes look horrible but usually its only me that sees me in them!

Well, I am still going strong, I think? Its amazing how toned I am starting to look after such a short amount of time(my legs and arms anyway). My belly appears to have shrunk a little and my back is looking much slimmer! I still have my days where I dont feel like working out and sometimes I just plain dont, but my new goal is to work out 45 minutes a day at least 5 days a week. I hope to work out everyday but after working all night, and not getting more than 5 hours of actual "sleep", and having to go back to work again just makes me lazy. I am pretty sure in a year from now I am going to need some plastic surgery but I guess only time will tell. I cant wait to lose about 30 more pounds at that point I am going to buy a few new outfits. I imagine that wont be until some time in May but hey its something to look forward to, right? I am somewhat happy with my success so far but its been hard and I wonder if I could be doing better. I have been dealing with some depression, which is making me ornery, angry, and sad all at the same time! I think I am finally shaking it after getting back on my old medication but double the dosage. My Dr had me try a new one and it led to an all time LOW! Its frustrating when I go to the dr and I know what I want and he does the opposite. I am a Nurse for crying out loud! I know what I am talking about and Drs are in too big of a hurry to listen! Well problem solved, going to another Doctor! I have some pics of where I am at now and every 2 weeks or so I will post some new ones. Its hard for me to look at them but know I am slowly melting, lol, I can deal with it!

Not the best, but it will do!

Well last week I didnt do as good as I did the first week. I only lost about 1 lb. I am determined to do better this week! Tonight I worked out for 45 minutes. The longest I've ever worked out before. Honestly I had to, I ate to many points for dinner and had to work them off. Working out for 45 minutes gains you 3 points. I would like to workout and not add those points to how many I can eat but there may be some days where I have to! Like for the wedding reception I am going to on Thursday. I looked online last night for a dress for my sisters wedding. I found quite a few cute ones but I am really hoping I can get into a size 18 before I buy one. Which may force me to put off getting a dress until right before the wedding. My sister said its my wedding, why do you have to worry about looking good and losing weight. Well my answer is, is I want to lose the weight but need an incentive/something to look forward to! If I have to wear a dress, have my picture taken, and essentially see people I might not regularly see, I would like to look a little better than I do now. Saying Id like to lose 19 more pounds before her wedding makes me work that much harder. I want to start dating so badly, I have had such poor self esteem for so long that I am ornery and very short tempered. I know that losing some weight will make me feel much better about myself and make it easier to put myself out there to meet someone. Alrady I am feeling much better about my self. I have been to the tanning bed a couple of times, I feel much better about myself when I am tan. I dont know why that is, I know I have naturally darker skin but I still feel "pale". Well anyway I will blog on Friday when I weigh myself again.

Week 1

Week 1 ends today. I am happy to report that I have lost 4 1/2lbs this week. This is from my original starting weight of 228 and not from the 231 I was at one point from the edema. I have had to suffer a little but not much. I have had points left over every day so its not like I had to make myself suffer but I am trying to eat less sweets. Last night I was really craving some cake or a donut. I didnt give in though! I hope week 2 goes well and I can lose at least 2 lbs.